4/13/15 - Nutsy Fagan

I'm not sure why it's been so difficult for me to sit down and update everyone. I've started an update several times and just never hit the publish button.

The truth is I've been feeling kind of crappy and just haven't been in the mood to whine about it all. Over the past several months I've convinced myself I've had tongue cancer, metastasis to my hips, metastasis to my lower back, metastasis to my knees, thyroid cancer, cancer of the toes, cancer to my neck and cancer to my vulva. Yes, you read that correctly - vulva cancer - and yes, it is possible. Talk about a raving lunatic. I've had bone scans and MRI's and they find NOTHING. I've come to the conclusion that treatment has just made my RA worse, and that is the reason for all of the pain. Either that or I have little cancer soldiers just waiting to attack at any given moment. Sneaking their way into all my bones and innards ready to pounce on a moment's notice. Maybe they are in stealth mode - sneaky little buggers.

I'm thinking this is the part in the program where I just have to sit back and laugh at myself. Either that, or commit myself. It's exhausting thinking that every pain is cancer related. So I've made a simple decision. STOP THINKING. Accept my life as a ninety-year-old woman and get on with it. So what if I walk hunched over? Who cares if it takes me 15 minutes to get out of my chair? Is it that important to be able to wash my feet? I'm thinking cleanliness is highly overrated.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I've been spending the past few months obsessing.  ENOUGH already!!

So to kick off this NEW attitude, I spent the afternoon having lunch with my dear friend Jenny. It's ALWAYS so nice to see her. Plus we got to celebrate ANOTHER birthday together. I spared her the talk about all of my ailments, and just enjoyed our time together. It felt good to get out of my jams, brush my crazy untamed hair, and put on some big girl makeup. Thank you dear friend!!

Hopefully my next update will be more uplifting and less nutsy fagan.

Love to all!

Beppy ツ

P.S. I'm living wildly and have decided not to proof for typos. Enjoy!!