I'll take the Rheumatoid Arthritis, Flesh Eating Bacteria and a Side of Breast Cancer to Go!

2/12/14 - Update

I've been a bit in limbo while waiting for my ultrasound. It's scheduled for tomorrow. I've given up on trying to predict an outcome. When I first started this process I was sure it wasn't cancer, and was wrong. The last scare I had, I was sure it was back, and I was wrong. I guess if I were to follow a pattern, I should think it's back so I can be wrong again. Yep, I think wrong is a good way to go. I find you can really drive yourself batty. Every little ache and pain makes you wonder if it's progressed. Having rheumatoid arthritis makes it even more challenging. I asked my oncologist how I would know between a progression and RA - he didn't really have an answer for me. I guess the only way to know for sure are biopsies and scans. Fear of progression seems to always be on my mind since these new lumps keep popping up. I'm ready to move forward from limbo land.

On a brighter note, Mike has started his first full-time job. It's a bit odd not having him in-and-out during the day. I'm very excited for him though - he has joined the world of adulthood.

We put our motor home on consignment. Any takers??? Six years of camping has been a blast - I'll miss camping by the beach the most. We made a decision to travel more once my treatment is done, and we really can't afford both. We miss our road trips to Washington and there are so many places we haven't seen. We would also like to take a road trip to see Don and Annie in NC, Aunt Jayne in PA and my hometown in NY. Once we hit the lottery, we will be good to go! Laugh if you want -- it will happen -- somebody has to win :P.

Hope you are all doing well. I will give you an update once I get my results.

Love to All,

Beppy

2/6/14 - Radiation on Hold Again

A few days ago I discovered another lump at 3:00. I went for my appointment yesterday to finish my simulation, get tattooed and possibly start rads. I ended up not doing any of those things. The RO said he can start the radiation, however, he can't say definitively if the new lump is cancer without further testing. I was so tempted to just start the radiation. Seems silly though to go through all of that if there is still cancer in there. He also said it could be a seroma from the core needle biopsy I just had. I'm hopeful that is the case, and I can just move on. I'm starting to feel like a ping pong ball - radiation - US - radiation - US. I'm rethinking my decision to have a lumpectomy. The risk of infection was just so high for me, which is why we chose the lumpectomy. I guess there is no point in second guessing - it is what it is. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. Here's wishing for a seroma or another fibroadenoma.

Thanks for checking on me.

Beppy

1/28/14 - Cleared for Radiation

I had my three month MUGA scan yesterday. I haven't gotten the results yet. The technician said she didn't see anything I should worry about, which is good news. I've been cleared to start radiation. The second part of my simulation is scheduled for next Wednesday, Feb. 5th. I was told they will most likely start treatment on that day as well. I'm optimistic that I will get through rads with no major side effects. I've got a Herceptin infusion coming up on Tuesday, Feb. 4th. I'm thinking about taking up residence at the doctors office. I'm sure they can make a small space for me to sleep. I would save so much money on gas! Oh well, that's the price you pay for living out in the boondocks. I'm developing awesome driving skills. I've learned to move over quickly when someone is flashing their lights at me. I've never been flipped off so much in my life. I find it puzzling to be going 75-80 on a 70 mph freeway, and still have people get ticked off . It's not like I'm granny behind the wheel. Who really needs to go 90 mph? Crazy drivers!! Hope you're all having an awesome week so far.

Thanks for checking on me.

Beppy

1/23/14 - Lump Was Benign :)

My surgeon called me this evening to let me know the lump was benign. I'm so relieved I don't have to start this process over again. On to radiation! I never thought I'd be so excited to have my bosoms fried. Thank you for all of the texts, calls, prayers and positive thoughts. It means more than you know. :)

Cheers,

Beppy

1/23/14 - It's All About the Hair (Progress of Hair Growth)

PROGRESS OF HAIR GROWTH - LAST CHEMO WAS ON 11/4/13

January 10, 2014 - Almost 10 Weeks From Last Chemo

January 10, 2014

January 23, 2014 - Almost 12 Weeks From Last Chemo

January 23, 2014


January 23, 2014

Jauary 23, 2014

January 23, 2014

March 8, 2014 - Almost 18 Weeks From Last Chemo


March 8, 2014


March 8, 2014


March 8, 2014

1/22/14 - Another Day, Another Lump

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I had my Herceptin infusion on Tuesday, the 14th. My lovely nurse Christine, had a difficult time getting in my vein. I guess they are getting tired of being poked. We ended up having to use the surgery arm which I'm hoping is ok. I guess time will tell.

Robyn and Michael in Monterey, CA

We drove to Northern California on Friday morning to visit Robyn. We stopped on our way in and took her to lunch. After lunch we drove to our hotel. We stayed at the Toll House in Los Gatos. It's a cute little hotel surrounded by shops and restaurants and if you're ever in that area, it's a great place to stay - very clean. It was our first vacation after all this cancer stuff, and it was so nice to get away. Friday night we stayed close to the hotel and Robyn and Michael met us for dinner. Saturday we drove to Monterey and spent some time on Cannery Row. Then we drove to Carmel to see the ocean. We got up very early on Sunday, had breakfast with Robyn & Michael, and started the trek back home. The whole weekend went by way too quickly. I was happy I finally got to see Robyn's new apartment. It's really adorable and she has it decorated so nice. It was a great trip. Wouldn't it be nice to stay on vacation forever?


Beppy & BudBud in Monterey, CA

So, back to reality on Monday morning. I had my ultrasound appointment at 10:30 a.m. and the second part of my radiation simulation at 2:15 p.m. They quickly determined the lump I was feeling was not a seroma. The tech showed the results to the doctor and we all know the next step by now - US core needle biopsy. I was shocked and stunned. It felt like someone kicked me in the gut. The one test I absolutely hate and they want to do it again. I don't have enough adjectives to describe how I was feeling. Defeated, lost, distraught - I could go on and on. My last core needle biopsy hurt so badly, I just knew I couldn't do another one. My surgeon came down during my test and I begged her to just cut it out. Surgery I can handle, another biopsy was just out of the question. Of course, I didn't get my way. They scheduled an ultrasound guided core needle biopsy for the next day. UGGGGGGGGGG. I cried the whole way home. In fact, I cried most of the day and most of the night. What a wuss. I'm not sure if I was crying about the test, or that I felt like I was starting all over again from the beginning. I also felt ticked off. I did everything they asked of me, chemo, surgery and was on my way to radiation and there it was - another lump. Do I have some kind of lump making machine in me? Like on I Love Lucy when the chocolates keep coming by, and you can't catch them quickly enough to package them. The chocolates are my lumps! So yesterday, I went kicking and screaming into the radiology department. I felt like a two year old. I took two Ativan before the procedure - suggested by my surgeon. That made me even more emotional - I was like a blubbering idiot. I was on the table and just got up and told them I can't do it. It was just so painful last time - I just can't do it. Let me just say, the team I had was amazing. They explained that the doctor I was having that day was very gentle and goes very slow. This wasn't one of my finer moments in life. I felt like a puddle of jelly. As I was getting ready to get up and leave, guess who walks in - yep, my surgeon. The same lady that held my hand last time (bless her heart). I knew once she walked in it was all over. She's like a bulldog and she wasn't letting me out of that room. For the second time, she kept me calm and held my hand. The doctor came in (he looked really young), and was very nice and understood my bad experience from last time. The team convinced me to go through with the test. I'm not sure why there was such a difference. I have to attribute this mostly to the doctor, but the test didn't hurt at all this time. He used a ton of lidocaine, and didn't rush like the last doctor did. When he made the first click and I didn't feel anything, I told him I loved him. In fact, at that point, I loved the whole team and told them so. It was such a relief. He got four cores out of a tiny lump of 6mm. I should know whether the cancer has returned by Friday, January 24th.

I thought I was fairly stoic throughout this whole process. From originally finding the two lumps, through testing, to diagnosis, and then the start of treatment. I'm not sure why I broke down at this point. Maybe because I was so close to being done, with only radiation left. Maybe it's the reality that now every little lump and pain can lead to a higher stage of breast cancer, or maybe everything just hit me all at once. I feel guilty for being weak - I'm typically not an emotional person, although I did cry when I lost my hair. I think it was the culmination of everything. Having to have another Core needle biopsy felt like I was starting over again. All I could picture was the mouse on a wheel.

While that certainly wasn't one of my proudest moments, I'm sharing this for anyone else that has to go down this path. My tantrum, emotional outbreak or whatever you want to call it, is over. I've given myself permission to be a cry baby and a wuss, as long as I don't make it a habit. :) Today is a new day.

I'm optimistic that my results will be good and show no new cancer. If it is cancer again, there is nothing I can do to change it, so I will deal with whatever comes up. Not because of strength or courage but because what other option is there?

So the point of this post, is to have your bitchy, whiny, tantrums when you need them, then it's time to get over it, and do what you have to do. Onward and upward - well, hopefully not upward just yet <evil grin>.

And by the way, radiation has been put on hold until we know what we are dealing with. Thanks for checking on me!

Cheers,

Beppy

1/11/13 - Radiation Simulation - Part One

First, I would like to wish everyone a Happy New Year. I hope 2014 is a great year for everyone.

Now, on to radiation news. Yesterday I had (part one) of my radiation simulation. It took me about an hour to get there (traffic was good). I arrived at 8:45 a.m. and they called me in at 9:15. The appointment took a little over an hour. I took a picture of the CT machine. I had to disrobe from the waist up and wear that lovely gown they provide with the opening to the back. The female technician asked me to lay face up on the table, with my left arm above my head, in the arm holder. You can see the arm holders in the picture. I couldn't put my right arm above my head because I have a shoulder that pops out of the socket. Therefore, I will be doing rads with one arm above my head, and the other down by my side. She asked me to put my right hand in my pocket. She said this would help keep me still. Once she had me positioned correctly, she exposed my left breast. At that time she taped little wires along my surgical scar. She said they do that so they know where the scar is when doing the scan. Then she left the room and started the scan. During this time you can't move. I was scanned for about 10-15 minutes before she came back into the room. At that point I still had to keep my arm above my head while she marked my breast with a sharpie. Then the Radiology Oncologist (RO) came in and made his own marks. Finally I was able to relax my arm for a few minutes. Next the technician removed the arm holders and changed to a different pad and had me lay on my side with the same arm extended above my head. This time she had me place my left hand on my head, and my right arm was down by my side. Then she left the room and scanned me again. Personally I think she put me in that position so they can go in their little room and make fun of me. I must have looked so ridiculous with my arm extended over my head with my hand resting on it. That scan took another 10-15 minutes. I guess the radiologist didn't like that position, so they went back to the other position with the arm holders. They scanned me again which took another 10-15 minutes. Then they doodled on me a little more. Next the technician took pictures with her camera. They do that so they know what position you were in for next time. They put a mark on my right side and covered it with clear tape. They put three marks down my middle and two marks on my left side and covered them with clear tape also. When I shower I'm supposed to avoid those areas. They will use those marks for placement when they tattoo me. If you're claustrophobic the scan should be pretty easy. As you can see by the picture, the tunnel is very small. I have a return appointment (Part 2) for the 20th of January. At that time they will tattoo me and do a dry run. They will also give me my radiation schedule on that day. I had to give them a two hour window for when I would like my appointment. That's pretty much it. The hardest part was keeping my arm over my head for so long.

I've developed a lump at the 6:00 position in my left breast. The surgeon looked at it this week, and she thinks it may be a seroma (fluid buildup) which developed from the surgery. To be sure, she ordered another ultrasound. They are trying to get that scheduled as quickly as possible. My RO said he will not start radiation until they know the results of that test. I'm hoping it's not another tumor after all of this. If so, I'll be pretty ticked off. I had blood work today and everything looked good. I have my Herceptin infusion on Monday.

I had a wonderful Christmas with my family. Robyn flew home on Christmas Eve and Mike had Chrstmas day off. We stayed in our jammies most of the day and cooked lasagna and spaghetti. After dinner we went to Peg's for dessert and I really enjoyed spending time with the kids. It was a wonderful holiday and I was sad to see it end but I am glad to put 2013 behind me.

That's all for now. Thanks for checking on me.