What a day. It started out well enough. We all got up and
started getting ready. Unfortunately due to the steroid I took last night, I
slept for about an hour. That should have been my first clue that it wasn't
going to be one of my finer days. I had fiber one cereal with a
miralax/crangrape chaser. Once all ready we decided to pick up some donuts for
our chemo team. We got on the freeway about 8 am-ish. We left plenty of time to
drive to the OC. It took us less than an hour last time and this time we were
leaving ourselves an hour and a half - seemed reasonable. Until we reached the
Corona Crawl. There we sat on the transition road to the dreaded 91 fwy. Not
moving an inch. I knew it wasn't going to be a good commute. We turned on the
traffic report and heard there was a motorcycle down on Lincoln Avenue. In
fact, we heard there had been five motorcycles down on various freeways. Now if
that were me, I'd be thinking about getting a different mode of transportation.
Doesn't seem like you'd get too many chances on a motorcycle, driving on our
California freeways. I could go on and on about the trip and give a detailed
account of my horrible road rage, but I will save that for another time. We
arrived to our 9:30 am appointment at 10:15 am. We called ahead of time to let
them know we would be late and why - plus, we did bring them donuts!
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| OUCH! |
When I saw the young nurse that was going to be taking care
of me, I was a little nervous. She seemed like she was in training and I had a
feeling it wasn't going to go well. Now let me just say, I've had a lot of IV's
in my lifetime. Many blood tests, PICC lines, long drains - I could go on and
on. But this was by far the worst IV placement I've had in my entire life. She
got right in but the angle she had the needle in my vein was pulling it out
from my skin in a different direction. I bled like crazy and the whole area was
wet and wouldn't stick to the tape. Therefore, the needle kept slipping which
in turn hurt like HE--double hockey sticks. She could not get any tape to
stick. I was then asked the ridiculous question, "did you put lotion on
today?" I did put lotion on last night, but I'm pretty sure the lotion I
use isn't slick and watery. After putting the tape on, taking the tape off, cleaning
up the blood splattering all over, the other nurse comes along and notices she
didn't screw on the IV cap all the way. The water was coming from the IV mixing
with my blood and causing a slippery mess. At this point I was in tears. I'm
sure my one hour of sleep and 2-1/4 hour drive with road rage didn't help
matters. I could feel my blood pressure rising and quite frankly I was ready to
strangle the nurse which probably wouldn't have been a good thing.
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| Feeling Loopy Now with Ativan |
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Once they
got that fiasco taken care of it was on to Herceptin. I was told they would be
doing a quicker infusion time than last, but I didn't expect 30 min. After
about 10 minutes, my body started to get the shakes and I couldn't stay warm.
I'm not sure if it was a reaction to the Herceptin or due to me being so upset.
I thought it would be a good time to ask for an Ativan. They brought me Ativan,
warm blankets and Robyn got me some hot chocolate. The chills eventually went
away but I still had that uncomfortable needle pulling on my vein. I decided to
just get through the infusion and not say anything. Besides, I didn't have
confidence that she could make it better and she just may have made it worse.
The next drug was Taxotere. That took
about an hour and I didn't have any side effects. Carboplatin took about an
hour, and again, no side effects. They gave me my home treatment plan -
continue with the steroids until tomorrow along with Zofran every 8 hours for
nausea. They decided to change my shot from Neupogen for 10 days to Neulasta
for one day. It sounds more appealing to have one shot rather than a
possibility of 10, but I'm wondering what the catch is - I'm guessing more
severe side effects. I give myself that shot on Wednesday and I also start the
dreaded Cipro again. I've got the red face which comes from the taxotere I'm
told - it looks like a sunburn. It actually makes my pale skin look more
healthy! Hey, gotta take what you can get.
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| Morning of Chemo with Hair |
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Now to the most distressing part of the day - hard to
believe it can get more distressing. Well, I hadn't washed my hair in three days -
I've been afraid to. Part of me felt like I would be the only person on
Taxotere to not lose my hair. My hairy Italian genes have always been pretty
strong and the morning I woke up with a big long nose hair growing out of my
nose, I was almost convinced I would not lose my hair. I mean here I am being
told I would lose my nose hair and I've got one the length of a half a pinky finger
growing out of my nose reaching for God knows what. I can shave my legs the
night before I go to bed and have stubble the next morning - even during chemo.
If I had a banana and swung from trees, I could easily be mistaken for a
monkey. Bionic hair genes right? WRONG. What I didn't realize is that yeah my
hair is still on top of my head, but it really isn't attached. It's just kinda
sitting there. As soon as I got under the water in the shower, it started
coming out in chunks - and I mean big chucks - big bald chunks. I'm embarrassed
to admit, I just started crying. It was not a very good end to an already
challenging day. I'm really not one to cry, but twice in one day - shameful. My
hair made it to day 21 and decided to abandon ship all at once. Good thing I'm
not too vain, because in my effort to help anyone going down this breast cancer
road, I thought it might be helpful to know what to possibly expect. I say
possibly because I guess everyone is different - I can only share what has
happened to me along the way. Therefore, I took some pictures to compare from
this morning to tonight - it is a drastic change.
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| More Has Come Out Since This Picture |
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| YIKES! |
And now for the things that made my day and week great.
Budly, as always. Here I am just out of the shower with my newly partial bald
head with tears streaming down my face and what does he say? "You're
beautiful - it's just hair and doesn't make you, you." I'm not sure how I
would get through all of this without him. He is such an amazing source of
strength. He certainly is a keeper.
Robyn who came with me to chemo, driving with the road rage
mamma and then came home and went shopping and made a wonderful dinner. Also so
encouraging regarding my hair loss, giving me ideas on how I can wear my wig
and hats, and giving me makeup tips. It's so nice having her home.
Bud started working on our backyard and got the news of my
diagnosis while we were tearing out the old grass. Needless to say, that
project stopped abruptly. Yesterday we had a knock on our door from our
neighbors wanting to help finish our backyard. We have such great neighbors. Bud
reassured them we have it under control but was so thankful for their offer.
My longtime friend, Jenny. We met each other when we were 12-years-old. I moved out to California to live with my sister for a year. I had a difficult time with the transition at first. I got made fun of a lot because of my New York accent. Along came Jenny - when she was young she was very pretty (still is) and extremely tough, and everyone was afraid of her. I remember her taking me under her wing and sticking up for me. We became fast friends and soon we were inseparable. Unfortunately after the year was up, I had to move back to New York. I always felt like I abandoned her even though I had no control about moving back. When I came back to California two years later, she was off with another crowd and I found new friends, but she was never far from my heart. We kept in touch occasionally and life went on. When we did talk, we would always say, "we have to get together." When we did get together, for me, it was always like we were 12-years-old again. I never felt awkward around her and it felt like we were friends forever and would just pick up where we left off. After having the day I had today, I got home and found a package in the mail - it was from Jenny. In it was a beautiful blanket she had made along with two beanie hats. She couldn't have timed that more perfectly if she tried. The day my hair starts coming out in chunks, she sends two hats. The day I was freezing in the infusion room, she sends a blanket. What a thoughtful thing to do. She has no idea how that lifted my spirits. I'm so lucky to have such an awesome friend.
Got a nice text from Jeanne wishing me well for my chemo
(cocktail) today. Also got another delivery of her wonderful split pea soup,
via Jason, which I ate today for lunch.
I so appreciate all the encouraging comments on this blog.
It's nice to log on and know you are all keeping up on my progress. It
makes sharing the good with the bad that much easier. Thank you Aunt Jayne for your encouraging words. I wish you lived closer, it would be so great to see you more.
I received wonderful cards from my sisters, Ann and Carole. Thank you for taking the time to think of me. It was so nice to hear from you both.
Special thanks to my brother George for showing up to my first infusion. It was comforting having you there. I appreciate you taking the day off from work to be there by my side. You're a great brother.
Thank you to my sister Peg for offering me words of encouragement and always asking if there is anything she can do to help. You've always been an amazing big sister/mother figure.
So yeah, there may be a bad day or two in the mix. But the
good in life, far outweighs the bad. When you have such wonderful people in
your life, how can you dwell on the PITA times. People can really be amazing in
times of crisis. I'm fortunate to be surrounded by so many wonderful people.
Sometimes it's good to let out those negative emotions and move on. I had a day
of mourning for my hair - but I promise, tomorrow I will move on and embrace my
wig. It's really not so different from my old hair.
I'll post chemo side effects in the next couple of days. So
far, I'm feeling pretty good. Keep your fingers crossed!!
Partially balded with wild growing nose hairs (life sure is comical),
Beppy :)
